Bon Voyage, Kahuna
So there's the guy I kinda started dating... I'm so very glad I listened to my gut on this one. Not only is the man a very bad kisser, he's 37 and still lives with his parents. At first, I thought he was sweet and nice and attentive and that fun stuff, but I kept poking at his spongy exterior of pseudo-personality, only to discover an abysmal lack of anything worthwhile in his character. There's not really anything there. And he lives with his parents. At 37. Never having moved out. (With the exception of the 7 years he spent in college....)
I killed my back last Friday trying to move a bookcase in my classroom, so I spent my weekend lying on the couch doped up on celebrex and vicodin with a bag of ice on my back. Kahuna, as he calls himself (don't make me laugh), stopped by to watch a movie with me since I, once again, finked on our Saturday plans. While there, he complimented my roommate on her cute shorts no less that 4 times. Strike one.
We also had a conversation about our hobbies. His include legos, collecting Star Wars paraphenalia, and going out drinking 7 nights a week. When I asked him why he still lived with his parents, he said he had a lot of credit card debt. Ummm.... who doesn't? Here's an idea... maybe if you didn't go out every single night, you could pay off some of your credit card debt. Here's another thought... if you are 37 and living with your parents and concerned about your debt situation, maybe going to bar and ordering a $4 Corona instead of drinking the $1 draft beer, simply because you "don't like draft beer unless it's St. Arnold's" is NOT THE BEST IDEA! Goddamn. Strike two.
After I realized this was sooo not gonna happen, I had a little "Come To Jesus" [vocab compliments of 40] talk with him, saying that perhaps we shouldn't get in over our heads, I'm not looking for a relationship, my career needs to be my top priority, blah blah blah... Basically, the "Flipside is not really feeling it anymore, honey" speech. It didn't really take. ("But I have a job, too," he says. Really? So why are you STILL LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS? I digress...) I'm not sure. He still wants to come with me Wednesday... (I had plans to take a recently single lesbian friend to Professional Lesbian Night at a local gay bar.) I think we're still going to be friends... ? Like I said, I'm not really sure what he took from our conversation... (I should probably also mention that Kahuna's propensity for frequenting gay bars is a little disturbing for a "straight" man...)
Anyhow, I find out that the very next day, he's already called an acquaintance of mine, (who was also there the day we met) and asked her if she wanted to "hang out" with him. Are you kidding me? It's not as though I really mind , or even that she'd actually want to be involved with him after our ever-so-brief entanglement, but come on. Talk about poor form... Mother Effing Strike Three.
Thinking back, I knew there was a reason I told myself that I wasn't going to date anyone I met in a bar. This experience about solidifies that sentiment. I'm going to chalk this whole fiasco up to way too much champagne on a Sunday afternoon. Ugh.
I killed my back last Friday trying to move a bookcase in my classroom, so I spent my weekend lying on the couch doped up on celebrex and vicodin with a bag of ice on my back. Kahuna, as he calls himself (don't make me laugh), stopped by to watch a movie with me since I, once again, finked on our Saturday plans. While there, he complimented my roommate on her cute shorts no less that 4 times. Strike one.
We also had a conversation about our hobbies. His include legos, collecting Star Wars paraphenalia, and going out drinking 7 nights a week. When I asked him why he still lived with his parents, he said he had a lot of credit card debt. Ummm.... who doesn't? Here's an idea... maybe if you didn't go out every single night, you could pay off some of your credit card debt. Here's another thought... if you are 37 and living with your parents and concerned about your debt situation, maybe going to bar and ordering a $4 Corona instead of drinking the $1 draft beer, simply because you "don't like draft beer unless it's St. Arnold's" is NOT THE BEST IDEA! Goddamn. Strike two.
After I realized this was sooo not gonna happen, I had a little "Come To Jesus" [vocab compliments of 40] talk with him, saying that perhaps we shouldn't get in over our heads, I'm not looking for a relationship, my career needs to be my top priority, blah blah blah... Basically, the "Flipside is not really feeling it anymore, honey" speech. It didn't really take. ("But I have a job, too," he says. Really? So why are you STILL LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS? I digress...) I'm not sure. He still wants to come with me Wednesday... (I had plans to take a recently single lesbian friend to Professional Lesbian Night at a local gay bar.) I think we're still going to be friends... ? Like I said, I'm not really sure what he took from our conversation... (I should probably also mention that Kahuna's propensity for frequenting gay bars is a little disturbing for a "straight" man...)
Anyhow, I find out that the very next day, he's already called an acquaintance of mine, (who was also there the day we met) and asked her if she wanted to "hang out" with him. Are you kidding me? It's not as though I really mind , or even that she'd actually want to be involved with him after our ever-so-brief entanglement, but come on. Talk about poor form... Mother Effing Strike Three.
Thinking back, I knew there was a reason I told myself that I wasn't going to date anyone I met in a bar. This experience about solidifies that sentiment. I'm going to chalk this whole fiasco up to way too much champagne on a Sunday afternoon. Ugh.
posted by Flipside at 6:49 AM
4 Comments:
Wow, what a loser!!!! Glad you dumped this one.
Wow...where to begin? I suppose with a "congrats" for cutting that one off before you were buried under an avalanche of red flags. To review the Big Three:
1) Bad Kisser.
Pretty much inexcusable, unless you're under the age of 18. How does this happen? If you were indeed a bad kisser, wouldn't you suspect something? How could you make it to age 37 without a clue as to your shitty technique? For some, it probably has to do with ego inflation; for others, I'm thinking just general cluelessness. If your self-appointed nickname is "Kahuna", however, I think it's the former. Deal-breaker.
2)Lives at home/Credit card debt/Legos and Star Wars collecting.
Individually, these might be innocuous. However, taken in conjunction with his advanced chronological age, I smell major sexual hangups.
3)Propensity for gay bars/multiple "cute shorts" compliments.
See above.
Seriously, you ended it not a moment too soon. And be thankful that he sort of clued-in to you trying to let him down easy. (I say "sort of", because he may fancy himself quite the player, what with the I'm-going-to-try-to-get-something-going-with-your-friend action.) Hmmm...now that I read back, though, I notice there was a third date. Being modern (or more likely nowadays, old-fashioned), your use of italics (in the same post as waxing, no less!) says we're on the same page. I'm guessing, though, from the latter posts, that not only were you two not on the same page, but "The Kahuna" wasn't even reading the same book...
Yes, thankfully, this man did not become another full-fledged notch on my bedpost...
In keeping with the cute shorts comments and gay bar habit, I must also add that he:
a) noticed my roots less than 10 days after a touch up. Granted, they were visible to me, but we're talking maybe 1/16th of an inch of darker hair.
b) once commented on my brown pants/ black handbag combo and how that was a fashion faux pas. (I was in a hurry...)
Add all this to the "you want me to stick my finger where?" moment we had during our first semi-intimate encounter, I think we're dealing with a serious case of "Wake up and smell the homosexuality..."
And yet, he called me no less than 6 times last night.
Some people just don't have a clue even when it knocks them upside the head...
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