My butt hole

I have a butt hole. Okay, so everyone has a butt hole, but I guess technically I now have two.

I just got back from visiting my brother and his family of small boys in Virginia, and one day while there, I decided I would get down on the floor and play with my 14-month-old nephew among his infinite sea of "little people" toys and his brother's Thomas trains.

Unfortunately, the floor was a literal sea of wood and plastic, and while I thought I had identified a spot in which I could wedge my rather large butt, it turns out that I vastly underestimated the size of my ass.

I plopped on the floor with full force, with my left cheek landing squarely on an upright plastic traffic light of terribly obelisk-y proportions. I rolled on the floor, wimpering in misery, and my little nephew soon followed with his wimpering cries. We were quite a sight to see.

Eventually I stood, and let my fingers probe my newest injury. There was a definite hole on the layers of fat in my ass, even though the skin was only mildly punctured. The next morning, my pain was rewarded with a large circular bruise of the darkest purply-black hues I've ever seen on my flesh, surrounding the still pale point-of-contact hole.

I've had difficulty sitting for days. My 3-hour return flight was torture.

My butt hole just hurts too badly.