fun with the 5-0

I'm sorta dating a cop. It all started innocently enough...

Well, not really. I was on my way home from lunch in the Village, complete with a very large pitcher of Sangritas. I was feeling good, to say the least. I was rushing because I couldn't wait to get back to Xanadu's Awesome Pool, where more margaritas were awaiting me.... but I digress.

Houston cops have an interesting way of pulling you over when driving downtown. They merely stand in the middle of the street with a radar gun in one hand and the other hand up, and then point to a nearby parking lot. They are rather difficult to spot, (especially after Sangritas) and I accidentally drove by this one. I realized I needed to go back, so I drove around the corner and back to where they were camping out, which conveniently gave me time to inconspicuously dump out the alcoholic beverage I had in the cup in my cupholder.

When I made it back, this particular cop read me the riot act. Not only did I pass him, but I was going 13 miles over the speed limit. I thought I was pretty much screwed. Of course, though, I was a little on the tipsy side, so I bravely and got out of the car and started to negotiate. Apparently I negotiated well, because I got off with a warning. So I hugged the cop. Twice. I'm surprised he didn't smell the hint of tequila.

Apparently cops don't get hugged very often. This one started up a conversation, and the next thing I know, he's asking for my phone number. Being the slightly inebriated idiot that I am, I gave him my actual number. Not even two hours later, he called me.

Damn. By this point, I'm at the pool with a beer in one hand and a vodka drink in the other. I had at least a thirty minute conversation with the guy, which I kinda remember. I recalled that I did make plans with him for the next day. Again, damn.

So now it's been less than two weeks since I he pulled me over, and already he's:

• brought me a rose (twice),
• brought me breakfast,
• introduced me to half his co-workers (Just FYI - sitting at a table with six cops and myself, law-bender extraordinaire , is NOT my idea of fun),
• invited me to his softball game to sit in the dugout with him and meet all his friends
• has asked for a picture of me to put in his locker.

All this on top of several MAJOR red flags:

• he smokes (cigarettes, which I ABHOR)
• he's 45
• he's been married three times
• he doesn't drink (Apparently he's allergic alcohol. Allergic to alcohol? What a travesty...)

Hmmm. How do I get out of this? I really don't want to follow up my Adventures with a Psycho Ex-Boyfriend with Adventures of a Psycho Cop.

Oh, but how he worships the ground I walk upon. Maybe I should play it out just a little longer...

Addendum: After this guy sent me a text saying "My heart feels empty, must be because I'm missing you," still less than two weeks after we'd met, I cut this guy loose. Faster than you can say, "Put your hands on your pride and step AWAY from the creepy guy."