Diarrhea

I grew up in a fairly formal environment where unseemly topics such as diarrhea were not spoken. One simply does not discuss diarrhea in polite company. Even though we all battled it on occasion, no one ever spoke of it. It was just one of those taboos.

My girlfriend, however, did not grow up in such an environment. Bodily functions are apparently suppertime conversation topics in her family. "What's the big deal?" she says. "Everyone has it from time to time!"

I had some food poisoning over the weekend. At least, I think it was food poisoning. It may have been some kind of stomach virus. Anyhow, it kicked my ass. As such an infliction would insinuate, I woke up several times in the middle of the night with chunks flying from both ends. It was ugly. I was in agony. I slept most of the next day, as my girlfriend worked on unpacking in her (someday our?) new house. From time to time, I would hear her in the other room on the phone with friends, discussing my physical health.

I swore I heard her tell at least FIVE people (some that I hardly know) about my vicious diarrhea.

I was appalled. Humilated. Not only does my girlfriend know about my horrible tummy problems, but so do half her friends? Before her, I've never even told someone I'm dating that I've even had so much as bowel movement, much less had them and their social circle be privy to the details of my gastro-intestinal eruptions!

If I weren't already dying from stomach cramps, I would have died again.

So Monday rolls around, and I thought I could handle getting up and going to school. When I awoke, the gurgling in my abdomen made me realize differently. I called in sick and spent the day alternately sleeping and darting to the potty.

Also on Monday, the principal of my school stopped by to see my girlfriend as she taught class. They chatted, and he inquired as to my absence.

And she told him about my diarrhea.

But at least she told the principal not to tell me he knew about my diarrhea, because I would be embarrassed.

Thanks, honey, for that tidbit of consideration. I feel so much better about it all now...