The beginning...
of the end...
Xanadu is no more. At least for me, it isn't.
Xanadu was my home, my little piece of rented heaven with vaulted ceilings and berber carpeting on the third floor in the middle of midtown: two blocks from the largest liquor store in North America, walking distance from dozens of the trendiest bars and restaurants, complete with a downtown skyline view from the balcony. We've spent almost three years there, 40 and I, and it's been some of the best times of my life.
We've loved it there. We even adorned the door with the silver letters identifying our home as utopia... it was welcoming beacon to all those who came to our home. XANADU. As if to say, "This is our paradise. We hope you love it as much as we do."
Things are changing. 40 and I changing. If someone had told us three years ago that she would be sober and helping others towards sobriety, or that I'd be deciding I want to spend my life with another woman, I'm pretty damn sure we'd have laughed our asses off.
I'm hardly ever there, at Xanadu, anymore. I spend most of my time at the house I'll be moving into when our lease is up this summer. I came home to Xanadu a few days ago because I needed to take down all the Christmas decorations and clean my bathroom. Knowing that there's a 99% chance that 40 and I are parting ways in June, I split the Christmas decorations into two stacks: her stuff, my stuff. Before, we'd always just put them in one box. I think I cried about six times.
It pains me to think about leaving Xanadu. It breaks my heart. But part of me feels like my home left me before I'm leaving it. When I was there the other day, it felt awkward and foriegn to me. Xanadu was a ghost-like echo of the paradise I remembered.
I suppose this means it really is time for me to move on.
I will always remember my time at Xanadu fondly. And even though the apartment is still my official residence, and the lease won't be up for another five months, in my heart, the era of 40 and Flipside in the utopia we called Xanadu has peaked and begun to fade away.
I am gut-wrenchingly sad to see it end...
Xanadu is no more. At least for me, it isn't.
Xanadu was my home, my little piece of rented heaven with vaulted ceilings and berber carpeting on the third floor in the middle of midtown: two blocks from the largest liquor store in North America, walking distance from dozens of the trendiest bars and restaurants, complete with a downtown skyline view from the balcony. We've spent almost three years there, 40 and I, and it's been some of the best times of my life.
We've loved it there. We even adorned the door with the silver letters identifying our home as utopia... it was welcoming beacon to all those who came to our home. XANADU. As if to say, "This is our paradise. We hope you love it as much as we do."
Things are changing. 40 and I changing. If someone had told us three years ago that she would be sober and helping others towards sobriety, or that I'd be deciding I want to spend my life with another woman, I'm pretty damn sure we'd have laughed our asses off.
I'm hardly ever there, at Xanadu, anymore. I spend most of my time at the house I'll be moving into when our lease is up this summer. I came home to Xanadu a few days ago because I needed to take down all the Christmas decorations and clean my bathroom. Knowing that there's a 99% chance that 40 and I are parting ways in June, I split the Christmas decorations into two stacks: her stuff, my stuff. Before, we'd always just put them in one box. I think I cried about six times.
It pains me to think about leaving Xanadu. It breaks my heart. But part of me feels like my home left me before I'm leaving it. When I was there the other day, it felt awkward and foriegn to me. Xanadu was a ghost-like echo of the paradise I remembered.
I suppose this means it really is time for me to move on.
I will always remember my time at Xanadu fondly. And even though the apartment is still my official residence, and the lease won't be up for another five months, in my heart, the era of 40 and Flipside in the utopia we called Xanadu has peaked and begun to fade away.
I am gut-wrenchingly sad to see it end...
posted by Flipside at 10:26 AM
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